Post by dearben on Feb 13, 2011 9:52:30 GMT -5
Checked on 26 Oct 2011
The Box
Padme had spent most the day sobbing. Sobbing to the point where tears no longer slipped from her eyes and nothing remained inside of her. Her hands clutched at the last scrap of fabric that remained of the man she loved.
He had left his tunic in her apartment the last time he had been home from the war. It seemed like so many years ago, but she knew it was merely months. They had been happy then. Sharing all the secrets of the time they had been apart. His eyes had sparkled as he talked about making it through just to return home again. Just to be with her.
Those eyes. How would she ever be able to live knowing that she wouldn't see those eyes again?
Sobbing erupted from her chest again and she felt as though she couldn't hold on any longer. She couldn't put one foot in front of the next and make herself live anymore. There was no point in living if she couldn't smell his smell again and feel his arms around her, protecting her.
There were things that she would always miss. The feel of his strong hands on the sides of her face as his lips kissed her. The feel of his body pressed against hers as they made love. The sound of his voice as it echoed with laughter. Waking up next to him during those times when he actually was with her.
Padme hated that they hadn't really spent much time together. They were always stolen moments. Moments that she had always wished would last longer, but never did. Duty called him, no matter the day or time. It called him to be strong and to protect those who could not protect themselves.
Duty had called him to his death. She hated duty and always would.
<><>
The morning broke as the mornings for the past week had, the sun shining down on her face as she laid curled under the covers in the large bed she used to share with Obi-wan. He was gone and getting up to face another day of pleasantries with the members of the Senate made her stomach churn.
Sitting up in bed, she still clung to his tunic which he had left behind, unknown to him. She treasured it now. It smelled of his soap and skin. How she wished he was wearing it so she could see him one last time.
“Are you awake milady?” Dorme asked from the doorway of the large bedroom suite.
“Yes,” Padme said with a heavy voice which was still so full of tears which she knew that she couldn't shed yet.
“You should at least try to get out of bed today,” Dorme said pushing the drapes open to let more of Coruscant's light into the room.
“Why should I?” Padme asked hugging Obi-wan's tunic close to her chest. “There is nothing to get up for.”
Dorme sat down on the bed and pushed the sleep matted hair from Padme's eyes. She was a good friend. Someone who Padme had told all about her love with the jedi master. Dorme understood that they couldn't actually tell anyone, but that Padme needed a confidant.
“I can't imagine your pain,” the handmaiden said pulling Padme into a hug. Padme's body shook again with sobs that she had been trying so hard to keep inside. Dorme just held the other woman and let her cry until she felt her pulling away.
“He won't be back,” Padme said, her voice tight with more tears which were spilling down her cheeks. “There was never enough time. Never enough time to actually let him know how much I loved him.”
“Master Kenobi knew you loved him,” Dorme said taking Padme's hand in hers. “You could see it in his eyes. He knew.”
This statement once again brought tears to Padme's eyes and she buried her face in the beige cloth she held in her hands.
<><>
“I can't make anymore excuses for you,” Dorme said as she pulled out an elaborate gown for Padme to wear to a senate committee meeting.
“Why not?” Padme asked sitting on the edge of her large bed, feet dangling over the edge. She felt like a child who didn't want to go to classes.
“If I say you are ill one more time,” Dorme said placing the gown on the end of the bed, “they are going to send a healer to look at you.”
Padme had kept people from her apartment for almost two weeks. Now she had to face the fact that life was going on without Obi-wan. There was still a war raging. She was needed in the senate to be a voice for peace.
Peace. It was something she wanted even more now that war had taken her true love. She would stop at nothing to get it.
She didn't know how she would feel if she came in contact with any of the masters who had been close to Obi-wan. They would always be a reminder of what he was and what he had meant to her. How would she ever go on without him by her side or the thought of him by her side?
“I'll get your bath drawn,” Dorme said and went into the large refresher which joined to the bedroom. Padme watched her go, but she didn't move. How long had it been since she had been in the bath? She hadn't cared.
Finally she stood and began to strip her clothes from her body. She let them pile around her feet, but kept Obi-wan's tunic in her hand. Padme didn't want to let it go. Fearing that if she let it slip from her hands, the memories of Obi-wan would slip away with it. She knew that it was merely a piece of cloth, really insignificant in what it represented, but still she felt as though it was all she had left.
“Your bath is ready,” Dorme said and handed her a towel. Padme was walking to the bath when the door chime to Padme's apartment rang. “I'll get it. Probably the groceries I ordered.”
Padme sulked to the refresher and lowered herself into the hot bath. She hadn't realized just how sore her muscles had become. She was exhausted and bath made her eyes heavy.
Padme wasn't sure just how long she had dozed off for, but she was startled by Dorme's voice.
“Who was at the door?” Padme asked trying to act as though she hadn't fallen asleep in the tub. Dorme was always lecturing her on how dangerous it was to sleep while in the water.
“A page,” Dorme said turning over a small box in her hands. “From the jedi temple.”
Padme sat up straight in the water, her eyes fixed on the box Dorme had in her hands. It was small. The size that great big sparkly presents usually came in, but there was nothing to indicate that it was that kind of gift. Obi-wan would've never purchased that kind of gift. Jedi had no money. They lived a life of poverty and were taken care of by the people they served.
“It has your name on it,” the handmaiden said as she handed it to Padme. Padme's hands were shaking as she pulled the paper from the box, noting the familiar handwriting on the outside. Fearing her hands would drop the box into the bath water, Padme placed it on the edge of tub and opened the box gently. Her eyes widened. Inside was a coil of hair, neatly braided with several bands of color at the end.
“What is it?” Dorme asked looking at Padme's eyes which were wide and fearing it was some sort of bad omen.
“It's his padawan braid,” Padme said her voice catching as she looked into the box once again. Tears began to run down her cheeks and mingle with the water which was still beaded on her face.
“What does it mean?” the handmaiden asked unsure of what the message was to Padme.
“These are their most prized possessions, their only true possessions. When they are knighted they usually save them for someone who has been significant in their lives,” Padme sniveled and then wiped at her nose.
“See he knew,” Dorme said looking at Padme with knowing eyes.
<><>
The cafe was rather crowded that day as Padme found a table which suited her. She was meeting Bail Organa for a mid afternoon lunch. There had been so much fighting going on in the senate, as of late, that she was just thankful to be out of that building for the afternoon. Now she just wanted to enjoy the climate controlled weather of the capital planet.
“Can I take your order?” a droid asked after it trundled up to her table.
“I'm waiting on someone, but I'll take some Pleah root tea,” Padme said in a courteous voice. The droid rolled away to another table and she looked up at the sky. The sun shown down on her face, warming it.
The days had become numerous from when she had found out about Obi-wan's death and now it seemed her heart was finally on the mend. It only ached at night when it was lonely, wishing for another's beat to echo it's call.
Then out of the corner of her, she saw it. It was a glimpse of a figure in a brown cloak peering in her direction. She turned towards the figure, but whoever it was, had already gone. Padme found that she was breathing heavily and took several breathes to steady herself.
Who did she think she had seen?
“Hello Padme,” Bail Organa greeted as he joined her at the table, blocking the view of the place she had seen the figure.
“Good afternoon Bail,” she said rising shakily from her seat to greet him.
“Are you okay?” he asked concerned. “You're shaking.”
“I'm fine. Just need to eat something.”
<><>
Padme sat in the lounge chair in her bedroom, holding Obi-wan's tunic and turning his padawan braid over in her fingers. She relished the texture of it, a living part of him which was severed during the glory of his service to the jedi order. Service that totally had destroyed him and destroyed her in the process as well.
“Milady,” Dorme said quietly entering the room where she sat looking out the window. “There is someone here to see you.”
Padme looked towards her handmaiden with a strange look. She didn't remember hearing the door chime, but she was often lost in thought. Far away with the man she loved.
“Who?” Padme asked putting the items down on the chair next to her, not wishing to share them with anyone who might be in her home. She didn't wish to tarnish Obi-wan's name in the afterlife and finding out that he was carrying on with a senator would do just that.
“Jedi, it looks like,” Dorme said and tried to give her a reassuring smile. Padme felt her eyes widen. No one had known that she and Obi-wan were lovers. It was a secret that he had died with and she would take to her grave as well. Rising slowly from the chair, Padme smoothed her skirt and the put on her best diplomatic face. It was a face which had come in very handy as of late.
Walking into the main room, she noted that the jedi was rather tall. She didn't know if she had seen him or her before because they remained with their cloak up, covering their head.
“May I help you?” she asked as she approached the figure, which was approximately as tall as Obi-wan.
“Yes milady,” the voice said as two hands rose and lowered the hood to the cloak. “You can tell me why you still hide here when I truly am alive.”
Her eyes were playing tricks on her. This was not Obi-wan. His head had been shaved and he was rather beaten and bruised about the head. His eyes were swollen, but the right color.
Padme reached for the nearest arm rest on the couch and her mouth was moving, but there were no words which were coming out. She couldn't breathe. His hands reached for her quickly and helped her to sit down.
“The stories of my death are rather exaggerated,” he said smiling and kneeling in front of her.
“What has happened to you?” Padme asked her fingers delicately touching the bruised areas around his eyes. He had looked better.
“I was captured and the clones who were with me thought that I had been killed,” Obi-wan explained gently. “It was only Anakin who believed I was still alive and he came to get me.”
Padme didn't think, she grabbed him by the sides of his head and placed her lips on his, kissing him as though she would never see him again. She never thought she would see him again.
“Are you okay?” Obi-wan asked after she pulled her lips from his. “I worried that you would do something rash while I was presumed dead.”
“I thought about it,” Padme admitted. “But I knew that you would want me to keep going.”
Obi-wan just nodded. It was all she needed. Just one more time to see his face and have him near. Now she knew it would never not be enough. She would savor every moment with him like it was the last.
~~~~~~
That was so sweet Takianna! ;D
Be sure to leave some positive reviews for the author!
You could feel the loss in this story -- and a nicely happy ending, woot!
